The Christmas grinch

Usually I'm the Christmas fairy, baking up a storm, playing the music, planning the big dinner. But this year I just feel flat and permanently annoyed. The lights on the Christmas tree broke and I don't care. I haven't driven around to see the Christmas lights like we always do. I have only half planned the Christmas meal and we are three days away from the big day. The Christmas carols have stayed off the CD player.

I think the reason why is this is our first Christmas in a new town. And I feel lonely. I was really looking forward to my mom coming to join us for Christmas and showing her around but she pulled out this week, instead deciding to spend Christmas Day with my aunty. So it will just be my husband and the kids for the big day. No pre Christmas dinner with my dad and stepmom. No Christmas Day present opening and dinner with my mom, sister and brother in law. No light trail around all the places I know and love.

This all came home to me when I went to my daughters end of year prize giving and realized that in that large hall I didn't know a single person. I have been weeks now where I haven't seen anyone I know. In my old town I would see people I know where ever I went. At the grocery store, on the school pick up run, at the mall, in church. Little conversations here and there, a coffee with a friend, a walk with my mom or a drop round call from my sister who lived around the corner. But in a new place there in no daily connection. I feel grumpy and sad and angry. I am missing family and familiarity, not to mention sunny weather!

My mother wrote in her text to tell me that she wasn't coming "spend the day with your new friends". Hello Mom! The 3 new friends we have made will be spending Christmas with their own families.

So this year it's bah humbug to Christmas. Here's hoping for better luck next year.